What you should expect from counselling - it might not be what you think
When the word “counselling” is mentioned, it is often met with eye rolls, squished up noses and responses like, “nah, it’s not for me”.
We know that counselling is often viewed negatively and we acknowledge that, unfortunately, some of these perceptions may be based on past experiences.
However, we know that many people could greatly benefit from counselling. It can be transformative and very positive, so we want to address some of the common perceptions that stop people from going to counselling, which include:
- That you will have to talk about your past and things you really don’t want to
- You will be forced to confront things you can’t
- That you will have to make difficult changes for counselling to be “successful”
- A counsellor won’t understand what you’ve been through, so won’t be able to help
- It will be re-traumatising
- That needing counselling is a sign of weakness
Counselling SHOULD NOT be any of those things. So, if you are put off counselling because of negative past experience, we would encourage you to reconsider counselling.
Below are some of the ways in which counsellors at Wattle Place explain the ways they work with people:
Firstly, for counselling to be beneficial, you need to feel in control of the process.
You should NOT have to talk about your past and things you really don’t want to.
Counselling should be flexible. It may be:
- helping you to make changes from existing unhelpful patterns to more positive patterns.
- asking the right questions/seeking clarity and identifying what you really need.
- helping you to make sense of your experiences, your responses, what is happening in your life.
- developing new perspectives, that is, new ways of responding to things.
- exploring different areas – different way of thinking.
A counsellor should NOT force you to confront things you can’t. You should not be pushed beyond your capacity. Counselling is most beneficial when the counsellor works with you at your pace and where you’re at.
Counselling can help individuals to gain clarity and understanding of themselves and their experiences and awareness of how their experiences have impacted them.
The success of counselling is NOT measured by how difficult it is for you and the goal is NOT to make difficult changes, but rather feel supported to address life’s difficulties.
Counselling is ultimately about helping you to identify the change YOU want to make, your expectations and hopes, and what support you need to achieve that change. It may be working on specific goals, for example, improving current family or other relationships, getting through the loss of a loved one or reading through records from your past. Counselling may focus on your general wellbeing, for example, equipping you to better handle stressful situations, or working towards accepting, processing, making meaning of or even finding peace with what happened to you.
Often, counselling helps you to identify your own strengths. That is, the tools/techniques/resources you already have or have used in the past, maybe without even thinking about them as strengths! The work of the counsellor is then to help you access them whenever they are needed. Additionally, the counsellor can work with you to develop some new techniques that you can apply in life. For example, the counsellor may teach some techniques that you can apply to help you to calm yourself when you feel overwhelmed, known as regulation techniques.
Our counsellors recognise that you are the expert in your own life, so even though they may not have experienced what you have, counselling isn’t about them telling you what is best, it is about listening to you and working in collaboration with you.
Most importantly, counselling should be a safe space. Counsellors are trained listeners and can be a safe person through whom you can learn to trust again. Your counsellor should always be non-judgemental and objective. If you are not happy with your counsellor at Wattle Place or elsewhere, you should change and find a counsellor who makes you feel safe, in control and not judged.
Seeking counselling is NOT a sign of weakness, in fact it is the opposite. It is a sign of strength and self-awareness that you accept there may be a better way to approach your challenges. Counselling is a step you can take to improve your life, that is empowering!